Dungeons and Douchebags….Online Dating Profile Pictures


That seems to be the choices for women when they enter the online dating world these days.  You either meet someone who you feel like has a dungeon awaiting your arrival so he can live out his crazy fantasies on you or he is a complete douchebag.  If there were a board game with that title, I feel like it would probably take longer than monopoly.

In my recent “re-entering” into this world, I have made a few new observations worth noting out loud.  Thankfully, I don’t take the whole online dating world too seriously and have thick enough skin that when I do run into one of the above I am able to find the humor in it and not spend hours in bed with the curtains pulled wondering if I am going to be alone forever.

So….here we go…..today’s topic…….Profile Pictures

  1.  Selfies:  they aren’t just for women to abuse anymore apparently.  I am not kidding when I say that 9 out of every 10 (and trust me, I would even venture out to say 10 out of 10 but who ever uses that statistic really) guys have not just one, but two or more selfies on their profile.  My conclusion is that most of them are probably just to scared to ask a friend to help them out and take a few shots.  But….if there is any man out there reading this who is either already online dating or considering it…..PLEASE, ask for help.  There are many women out there (myself included) who are willing to help. 
  2. In addition to the selfie situation (which I understand happens from time to time – I am a fan of my own selfies – just check out my instagram page)……they are doing it in bathrooms.  I can’t take it.  Once I pull up a profile and see a urinal in the background or a towel rack, I literally can’t get past it.  And my bet is that a lot of other women can’t either.
  3. Each profile MUST include at least two pictures of you.  It just must.  And if you’re going to use the excuse of “I don’t have a pic on my profile because of my profession”, you dang sure better have one (a current one) on hand to email me the minute you reach out to me.  The chances of myself (or any other woman) having remote interest quickly and drastically diminishes when there is no pic.  It’s almost as if we start off thinking you’re not real. 
  4. It’s fantastic that you put multiple pictures up.  We want to see who you are  and get as much of a glimpse into your life and personality as possible.  However, when there are more pictures of your motorcycle, your truck, your dog, or your favorite sports team than there are of your smile, your enjoying your fav hobby, etc……..there is a problem.  
  5. Stop transforming yourself into silly settings.  I am amazed at the morphing some have done putting their faces into moonlight, christmas ornaments, etc.  You can do this fancy footwork with your photos but you can’t spell or use correct grammar to save your life?  No sir.  Stop.  (more on the construction of your “about me” section later)
  6. Pics with other girls.  Women have to make a decision here.  I would rather see a pic of a guy and girl versus a bathroom selfie.  At least someone else took the pic and I can get an idea of what you really look like when your arm isn’t holding your phone and you’re trying to suck in.  However, should you post a pic of you with a girl, you should know we are automatically going to stop there and wonder who it is…..and you should be prepared to explain.  However, if you post a pic of a girl kissing you on the cheek and holding you like you just proposed to her, there probably isn’t any further discussion needed.  (seriously, this guy did that and told me he had no more recent pics so he posted that of his fiancé)
  7. Gym/Shirtless/Body Part pics……..I will venture out to say (in my own opinion) these need to cease all together.  Period.  There is zero reason for any of them.  And I don’t even feel like I should have to list any further commentary on it.  Just stop.  If anything, like you tell women when they show too much, you are not leaving anything to my imagination for one.  For two, honestly, you aren’t as cute and studly as you think you are.  You’re just not.  I applaud your work in the gym.  I am rarely seen in one myself.  But, if you work out, and you’re fit, we will see it when you are doing the gentlemanly thing and taking us to dinner.  And we will admire your sculpted arms way more in person across the table over drinks than we will in your gym mirror pic.
  8. Lastly, make sure your pic is current.  And by current I mean within the last 6 months to a year at the latest.  No pictures of pictures from your 1995 excursion to Vegas.  Feel free to post older photos if you have traveled the world or are walking a tight rope…..but please make sure you include equally as many current photos.  

So, evaluate your profile……or evaluate a friend’s profile if you’re not single or not online and help each other out.  Stay tuned for crafting a great “about me” section 🙂

P.S.  The below picture, although hilarious and very showing of my crazy personality is an example of what NOT to include in your online dating profile…..unless you follow up with normal pictures as well 🙂

photo

1 Comment

Filed under Funny (or what I think is funny)

One response to “Dungeons and Douchebags….Online Dating Profile Pictures

  1. Lonnie Bollinger

    So what happens if you see somone at a bar bout they are with somone else and look happy, however you see them on those dating websites. Should you not talk to the due to the fact you met them first in person?

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