Dungeons and Douchebags….Online Dating Chronicles “about me”


Previously, we covered the picture portion of online dating profiles.  Today, let’s cover the “about me” section.  Keep in mind, my observations are solely based on profiles that I have come across, all being male.  I have not searched any female profiles, however, I have seen what guy friends have shared…..and honestly, I am just too overwhelmed to cover both sexes right now.  How anybody has those sweet love stories that lead to marriage from online dating, I will never know.  And I know people who have had great success.  Maybe I should be talking to them more versus semi-making fun and writing about the horrid ones I come across :p

Anyway, let’s get started.

  1.  Let me be clear in saying this section is just as important as the picture section.  It’s even a more sensitive area I think.  
  2. While it’s important not to write a book, cause let’s face it, nobody wants to read too much, it is important to cover good ground in this section to get off to a great start.  Let’s pause for a second and think about “too much” though.  Maybe that’s our problem.  We are a society of visual, instant gratification.  We want what we want right now.  We want a picture because let’s face it, we must be physically attracted as well as anything else but we also want to read that you’re the perfect man in about three sentences, meet and live happily ever after.  And that mentality (whether we admit it out loud or not) is often more of the problem than anything.  ANYWHO……back to length.  Short and sweet is fine, as long as the “short” is impactful and catches my attention enough to make me want to know more.  Also note that too short is just as dangerous as too long.  Do not say “I’m just seeing what this is about, will write more later” or “I don’t like to talk about me so just message me”….um no.  If you can’t take the effort to fill out 150 words it usually requires to have a profile, then I find it hard to believe you’ll put that much effort into dating me.  I mean, if 150 words is too much, then is there a limit on the words in our date?  Because, I will be completely honest with you, I don’t think I have EVER spoke in less than 150 words in my entire life.  I crawled out of the womb talking.  
  3. There is a basic area on a webpage called “the fold”.  It is basically the point of the page where you have to scroll down.  It is known in the digital marketing world that once you go “below the fold” you start to lose your audience.  So…..your “about me” should be as much above the fold as possible.   This is where your audience is willing to stay.  Plus, most women live with the belief that men don’t really have that much to say so once you start going on too long in writing, we start to think you’re full of it 🙂 just being honest….or maybe I’m the only one who thinks that.
  4. It’s good to cover the basics.  But it’s better to make us laugh.  If you don’t have anything funny to say, google a good joke.
  5. Before you take the liberty to brag about yourself (and you should brag about yourself, this is the best place to do it) seek outside opinions from your friends.  Ask them what they think of you.  Yes, it’s ok to pick the best parts of what they say and publish those……we will find out the other soon enough if it goes anywhere after the first date 🙂
  6. Be honest.  This point should need no further explanation. But, since we’re here……by honest I mean we can see right through when you say “I live a healthy lifestyle and workout and would like someone who takes care of themselves as well”.  That’s code for no fat chicks.  We get it and guess what, my feelings are in no way hurt.  You just saved me further reading because I can now quickly exit your profile.  And I don’t fault you for liking what you like.  Just don’t fault me when I’m thinking what a shallow jerk face you are on my way out of your profile.  If i lost 100 pounds tomorrow you know what I would be?  Hungry.  I long to live an improved healthy lifestyle….so how about you look a little past my fat, find my humor and eyes attractive and then influence me to workout with you….I will step down off the soap box now. 
  7. DO NOT say things like “I don’t want any drama” “no drug users” etc.  First of all, no girl on the planet thinks she is full of drama.  We just refuse to believe that about ourselves.  Secondly, anyone who has any of the “do nots” you state is surely not going to message you admitting to them.  I doubt there is a woman who would message a guy and say “hi, i know you said no drug users, but I really have cut down on the amount of crack i smoke weekly……think we could still meet”……PLUS, all we think when we read that is that you have met some pretty messed up chicks and maybe, just maybe, you’re the one who brings some of that “drama” on 🙂
  8. GRAMMAR GRAMMAR GRAMMAR….I cannot even begin to express how important this and spell checking is.  Proof your work people.  Look, your pictures are probably the first thing we see, and if those are on the fence, we are seriously grasping on to the “about me” section for hope that you stay in the running.  If you screw that up with silly mistakes like using the wrong form of your/you’re and not spelling correctly, it’s probably over before it even gets started. 

Noting these 8 simple things is a great start to a great profile.  Coupled with great pics, you are well on your way to catching all the ladies attention in the online dating world.  GOOD LUCK!

P.S.  in an effort to be transparent and such, I have posted pictures of my online dating profile “about me” section.  Although it’s probably too long, my hope is that my humor keeps their attention long enough to spark some interest 🙂

photo 1 photo 2

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